I just feel like I cant do anything right. I want to be with two guys. Does that make me a whore. I think so. I love kyle. I want to be with him because I love him, he makes me happy, for the baby’s sake. I like CJ A LOT! HE makes me happy, I love being with him. I have heard my life don’t leave someone you love for someone you like because the person you like will leave you for the person they love. I believe that but like everything in this world… its easier said than done. I mean I need and should be with kyle. Not to mention that I want to be with him but that doesn’t really help the situation much. I am just sick of everyone talking shit. I just wish they would leave it to themselves. I take what people say to heart way too much.

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ok so i was rather upset when i wrote that late last nigh so if it doesnt really make sense i am so sorry. let me explain the cj/ kyle situation. like i said before i love kyle and want to be with him. but it is so hard for me to trust what he says. he says he loves me but i dont feel that. cj is an amzing guy. i really care about him. as much as i dont want to like either one of these guys i do. i dont want to like kyle because of our past and i dont want to like cj because i think he was WAY too go for me. he is gorgeous he knows what he wants and who he is, he is squared away, he is a good soldier, he is... just perfect. yes he is an asshole to ALOT of people but not to me and the people he cares about like dan and well someothers. he makes me feel so special. he treats me so much better than kyle ever did. he is just way to good for me and if you dont think so then put this one in your pocket. i dont deserve him. he knows who he is and what he wants like i have stated before. me i dont know any of that. i just dont feel i deserve to even have him in my life sometimes. you may all be thinking oh he IS amazing why are you with him. well cj is still married and i cant do that. i am not going there never have never will. kyle... kyle... kyle is what i feel i deserve. he is a piece of shit i feel and that is what i deserve. i had a great guy in the past and i just let him go and i was a piece of shit while i was with him. i dont deserve anything better than what i am. i really am a piece of shit. so i think i have figured it out. i am destined to be with a pos and that is kyle. i should just marry him and spend the rest of out pos lives together. wow that waseasier than i thought. well i have to blow dry my hair i will talk to you later.

<3 red